Ok...so mostly this blog is to vent...whine..bitch..moan and complain....5 things I do exceptionally well...Mostly, I'm just feeling frustrated in general about how slowly my body is letting me recover from the marathon. The 5k last weekend was a treat, in that it was fun, and I beat my goal time. But it bothers me that, more often than not, those 2 things are directly linked and almost totally dependant upon each other...I want to train for another marathon...but I'm not sure when...and I don't want to sign up "just because" and not be ready...And, anyhoo, I have been signing up for some 5k's and a 10k to get used to running again and try something different for a while and I still seem to have this pressure following me around...kind of like competition...I've always been focused on trying to beat myself, meet my own goals...but now, I feel like if I'm not a part of someone else's, I 'll always get left behind...My friends have done plenty of run days, running slower than I know they can or want to, to stay with me..and now, not getting any faster, I need to let them go and do better for themselves. This makes me feel sad...sad that I'm not doing better....sad that I will be alone...sad that I once enjoyed running alone and now it kind of hurts...sad that the love of running seems to be overshadowed by expectations (mine and others)....
So, it is with a heavy heart and ipod in hand, that I let go...I will sign up for a marathon WHEN I'm ready...I will run at MY OWN pace and let others leave me if they need to....and this WILL NOT mean that I'm not bad or inadequate or a sucky runner...it just means that I AM WHERE I AM...and hopefully other people will accept that....hopefully I will accept that. That's all I can do.
2 comments:
Tammy I have been in your shoes!! It is tough when our running partners are faster than you. After the Memphis Marathon I felt "broken" for weeks and weeks and never thought I was going to get my running legs back, but I did and you will too!
I'm sorry you feel left behind...but if we sign up for a marathon we will run together on Saturdays and Sundays, long runs we will always run together! no leaving!
You should run your own pace, you will get faster, you will be faster than I am because I am not fast! I accept it all and I'll be waiting when you are ready!
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