Tuesday, February 9, 2010


This will be a very random, just warning you!

First of all...the snow here is crazy!
My last run was on Friday (?) I think, and it went fairly well. I was able to do 3.67 miles..but I had to do the walk/run thing. I guess I've had an all-or-nothing attitude about running. If I couldn't run, I wouldn't do anything. It wasn't until I talked to my pal, Kelli (who has been having hip issues also) and she mentioned that she was doing the walk/run thing to get back into it. So I tried it, 4 min running, 2 minutes walking. The hip felt great, although I had to stop before my goal of 4 miles. Better than nothing, I guess. Now, with the crazy snow and ice...even walking is not going to happen.

I am thoroughly depressed about my recent weight gain...but when I went from burning about 3000 calories (at least) a week, to about 300-400 and kept eating the same way, it was bound to happen! After viciously berating myself and a crying jag after looking at my ever-growing ass in the mirror...I reminded myself that it didn't happen overnight, and it won't come off overnight! However, heaping the criticism and name calling on myself has never helped, and even made things worse...and so I admit, fully and wholeheartedly that I need to lose weight and I start anew at my attempt to eat not only healthier, but in proportion to my calorie needs..Sigh...I never want to take my body for granted again. I love all the things that it can do and I'm sad when I can't be active. On a deeper, more philosophical and spiritual level, I am seriously placing my worth based on my weight and looks and need some fresh perspective.

I saw the movie "Lost in Austen" yesterday. I watched it online via Netflix when my satellite was out. Now, for those who know me...I have NEVER been a Jane Austen fan (except in the case of Emma)...I tried to read Pride and Prejudice several times and got insanely frustrated with the excessively superfluous descriptions..and I usually LOVE details! Not to mention, the very irritating character of the mother Mrs. Bennett, that was enough to kill it for me! But THIS was awesome!!! And...dare I may have aroused the desire in me to give Jane Austen another chance...? GASP! For those of you that have never heard of it, it is about a girl obsessed with all things Jane Austen, especially Pride and Prejudice. Somehow, a portal, if you will, is opened between her world and the world of Elizabeth Bennett via her bathroom wall. She enters the story, screws it all up and changes the fates of herself and everyone in the story. WATCH IT! But beware,it's almost 3 hours long.

On the family front, my Aunt and Uncle were in town this weekend and it was a great visit. I am not very close to our extended family and the last time they came to visit, things were a bit strained due to some issues that arose after my grandma died a few years ago. I think lately, since I have been spending so much time by myself, in somewhat of an isolated existance, I have been in dire need of human contact. Maybe so much, that I was willing to take it in the form of family (hehe)...but I realized how selfish I have been in the time that I do spend with other people. Wierd....Tammy's growing up....


Morgan said...

Glad to hear you are getting out there and easing back into things. Being injured sucks and it totally humbles you. When you finally are back up and running again be sure to enjoy the good runs and learn from the bad ones.

Don't let the weight gain get you down, let it MOTIVATE you!

Jamie said...

I'm thinking about you today...I have been there so many times and I know how you feel. I really do. I finally just looked at myself in the mirror and had it out with myself. Then after my tantrum, I sat down, came up with a meal plan and a workout plan and asked God to bless it. Proverbs 16:3!!!! So far so good. Hope this helps! xoxo

Anonymous said...

"I start anew at my attempt to eat not only healthier, but in proportion to my calorie needs". This is something that I really struggle with all the time. Eating healthy isn't an issue. Eating the right portion sizes IS an issue. I KNOW what a portion size is, and I KNOW that I eat too much, but for some reason I still struggle with it. It's very frustrating. But we can get through these issues!

- Sagan